I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
