Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
