Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
