so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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