shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
