so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
