my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
