i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
