so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
