Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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