I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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