I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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