it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
