I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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