Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
