This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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