Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dear god my vagina.
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