I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
