I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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