So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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