i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
