he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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