Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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