the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
