Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My hand turned me down
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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