Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
