My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
