I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize