highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
