just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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