Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
