I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
