i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
