new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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