I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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