how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
