I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
