Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
