everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
