If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
