Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land

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(661): View more from California

the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

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(517): View more from Michigan

drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea

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(561): View more from Florida

So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world

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(218): View more from Minnesota

It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you

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(605): View more from South Dakota

If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.

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