K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
