somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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