Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
