Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
