you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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