There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
