I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
