She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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