Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
