we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
