I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news, I just burned my penis
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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