They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
