worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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