On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
