On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize