if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
