Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize