I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
