Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
