good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
