i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
