I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
