I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
