I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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