Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
