"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
