I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
