you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
