and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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