I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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