Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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