I love black thongs
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
