the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
