I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
