I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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