I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
