I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
