ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
